If you want your kids to be passionate about an activity rather than see it as something they need to do to get your approval, encourage, but dont pressure.
Kids are more likely to develop a true passion for something when they arent pushed too hard by parents, says a new study from researchers at Université de Montréal, the Université du Québec à Montreal, and McGill University. Researchers examined nearly 600 musicians and athletes of all levels (beginner to expert) from ages 6 to 38 and found that kids and teens who are allowed to pursue an interest with support -- but without pressure -- were more likely to pursue that activity over time.
Kids who were pressured into an activity by controlling parents, on the other hand, were more likely to develop a skewed attitude about an activity, such as believing that acceptance can only come by excelling in that activity.
The tricky part for parents is knowing how much is too much encouragement. I tried to get my son into martial arts a couple of years ago because its something Ive loved since I was a child. I was disappointed when he said he didnt want to even try it. (And I was super-surprised when he declared he wanted to be a rock n roll drummer -- and very impressed when he started playing and playing really well, despite the fact that neither his dad nor I have a musical bone in our bodies.) Then suddenly, about a month ago, he asked me if he could try a Taekwondo class, just like that, out of the blue.
I absolutely did the right thing by being hands off with his interests. I do have to occasionally remind him to practice his drums. (As much as he loves playing music, hes an 8-year-old boy, and his Legos and the Wii are constantly calling their siren songs.) But Ive also noticed that he sometimes needs to play music when he feels the muse, with or without my prompting. Im ready for him to announce that he wants a break from martial arts or music, but in the meantime, Im supporting, encouraging (without pushing!) and really enjoying the ride while my son follows his passions.
Why Trying to Create a Mozart or David Beckham Could Backfire originally appeared on About.com Parenting School Age Children on Monday, February 8th, 2010 at 09:36:43.
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